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Can't Cry Hard Enough




My hubby had a perfect shot that day.  If it just another ordinary day or we are just vacationing elsewhere, it would be picture perfect.  Great day, good weather and we are far away from home.  But that perfect shot is from my father’s burial.  As we let those balloons up in the air and we cried for his soul to be with our Lord God, I know he’s free. 


It’s been 2 weeks now and I still cry on my sleep.  Sometimes, I feel that he’s still there in our house, waiting for us to visit them.   I feel sorry that it was not a good year for hubby and me last year.  I have so many plans for him but my hands are tied.  Instead, I make sure that we visit them every weekend to help my sister in her canteen business and Nathan will be there in the house entertaining them. 



I wrote something in the balloon I was holding before I release it.  I wrote there that Papa will be with God now and that he rest in peace and I love him very much.  I have so many I hopes and I wish in my mind but I know it makes no difference now.  I just pray that I hope he understands me and that I hope he feels that I love him. 


I love you, Papa.  May the Good Lord guide you in His arms.  Rest in Peace.

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Traditions

I wanted to go home with hubby and my in-laws after Papa’s burial ceremony but they told me I have to stay for another day for the Gulgul tradition.  And then it came to me that we have done it before when my grandmother died when we were just kids.  So I have to let Nathan go with hubby to Manila that night so I can work with all the things to do before going to the beach.  They usually did that in the river but since the river has dried up, the next choice is the beach.








So the tradition is like one will have to pour something on our head, a mixture of burned to ashes dried tree sap, blood of chicken and I don’t know the rest of the ingredients.  We were instructed to fall in line, from the eldest to the youngest and never to look back (because they said we will see Papa if we look back) and we shouldn’t enter to the place we exited after we dip ourselves to the salty water.  That means we have to go far away from the shore just to get back to our rented cottage but we follow the tradition and that was it. 














I’m kind of having a weird feeling that all were happy and were all there because of Papa.  I still have this moment when I looked around and he’s not with us anymore.  We brought the left over foods and fruits and we had some fun in the videoke with my cousins.  I tried to shake away the feeling of emptiness.  That’s why that night after we got home, I packed my bags and told my sisters that we should go home even though were so tired and I wanted to hit down the bed to rest.  I need to sort out my feelings first.  I’m missing my father so much I need to go away. 

They have plans to going back to the province at the 40th day of Papa’s death but I can’t go back there.  Not just yet.  My brother promised to go home from Qatar on Papa’s first year death anniversary next year.  Maybe then I can accept that he’s now gone.  



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Nature's reflection


I had a time to reflect on the beauty of the surroundings in my father’s place in the province of Ilocos Sur.  After his burial ceremony, I walked around just to be alone with my camera.  I can’t help but felt empty knowing we were there because Papa died.  We used to be there before just to unwind and take a short vacation and enjoy the beautiful beaches. 




I have the privilege to take some beautiful shots of the nature and felt a moment of peace in my heart.   I will always go back to this place because here lays my dearest father.  He wished when we had a heart to heart talk few years back that he wants this place to be his final resting place and it came true.  I miss you, Papa.  I'll always will.









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First timer


My hubby was notified by his department head that he will have to visit their India office by next month.  We were so ecstatic by the good news because it was his first time in India and he heard so much about it from his team.  And as much as he wanted to prepare for this one in a lifetime travel opportunity, we think that we still have a lot to do because his surprise is he wanted us to travel with him.  Our baby Nathan shared our joy that night and he started to jump up and down from the bed. 



To begin with, we start looking for the place go in India.  His friend advised him to visit here so we can do what we want to do after my husband’s business trip and it will make all our travelling made easy.  Hubby wanted to extend our stay so we can have all the time to enjoy the beautiful places around.   We shouldn’t forget some of India travel tips being the first timer in that country.  I can’t contain being overjoyed with all our plans and our first time too with our baby Nathan.  I still have to prepare some documents and of course I have to save money.  I can’t wait for the day to come! 

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