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You'll be remembered forever, Fluffy

Fluffy died last Wednesday 03/19/08... no, he was not just died in his natural way, but though it pains us so much, my sister decided to do the mercy killing... fluffy, suffered from edema ( the increase of interstitial fluid in any organ — swelling) and the vet can't do anything about it, since all his lower muscles constrict that they cant penetrate it with the catheter.

God only knows what really happened that night, that fluffy had that accident.. all we know was he suffered enough that we cant let him prolonged the pain.

As my sister, nieces and nephew cried after i text them what will happen to fluffy, i approached motionless fluffy at the table where he laid and i talked to him... that the pain will end now, and thanking him for all the wonderful memories we had with him.. for being such a sporty fellow, always following us around the house, doing his tricks to summer (our Labrador dog), waking us up, and we will surely miss him... i know, as his blank stare at me... he understands...that it needs to be done.

I took some pictures of fluffy for the last time. And then we leave the animal hospital, we cant bare to see how they will initiate it.

You will always be remembered, fluffy. Have a safe trip to heaven...

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Get Well Soon, Fluffy!


I feel strange that night (Saturday,16 March), upon entering the gate, and almost everyone are calling our toy poodle named fluffy (as he was always the first one to greet you with his jolly barks) Our house help opened the door and she looked quite pale.. i went straight to the kitchen and found fluffy, hes not moving, just sitting at the floor looking at me... he looked odd and his tail was inside his leg as common to the dog who looked scared and most of all, i thought i he's hurt...

indeed, as i approached him and touched his tail, he wailed.. he stood up and i saw him limping.. i was so shocked that i called everyone in the house, almost shouting at them... and then Jona told us the she found fluffy at the neighbors front gate. And my mom, told her she saw a man riding in a bike passed through our gate and she heard a faint sound of fluffy outside. That man might have run through with fluffy, the other side of the street are dark and a small animal like fluffy will be your unfortunate victim, you wont see him walking in there because of his dark brown color...

My sister immediately called fluffy's vet but her cp was out of reach.It was almost 10pm. As time passes, we are just looking at fluffy who was in deep hurt as he tried to sit or walk and we cant do anything about it.. He is wailing and crying like a child and he didn't eat that night.

Before that, we went that night to Leslies, Alabang and ate dinner because my brother departed that Sunday dawn back to Qatar. I remembered that fluffy was the first one to jumped inside the van, settles to his seat and refused to came down from the van when Jona was calling him to get down. After what happened to him, we are all thinking, we should have carry him with us that night.

My sister, brought fluffy to the vet the following day as she said they never got asleep because fluffy kept crying and wailing the whole night. The vet immediately did some x-ray and revealed the bad news to my sister.... the connecting bones between fluffy's hip and leg bones was cracked and they can't simply cast his legs anymore and only a operation can help and it will costs my sister, P30,000.

Fluffy might died earlier than the usual life span of a poodle because he cannot mate and walk straight for the rest of his life. A shot of anti-inflammatory and antibiotics was scheduled for 1 week to lessen the pain until he will get used to his new limping right foot as his cracked bones heals.

yesterday, my sister text me that she brought fluffy back to the vet because he's crying again the whole night and she saw that his "birdie" and "eggs" are swollen and looked black (like a beaten meat), a case of a Hematoma and hes not eating for 2 days...just drinking his water.

So the vet decided to admit fluffy to the hospital, put dextrose and scheduled a ultrasound to reveal if the accident damaged his liver... no one knows if fluffy can make it through the pain... hes really hurt, you can see it in his eyes.. he is such our darling... so sweet..

He's still in the hospital till now and as my sister visited him last night, the caretaker of the hospital told her that fluffy seems fighting for his dear life, now barking upon seeing other dogs, and wagging his tail when someone approached him...

I'll go there tonight and visits him... he needs a morale booster from his family. Get well soon, Fluffy.. I can't wait to play with you again.




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Pizza, honey?

I'm into eating again...I've tried to stop eating much during dinner but i was so tired from a long travel (office-home) and the smell of the food in our kitchen makes me wanna sit down and eat before i could ever think of dieting...

And now, my hubby really tests my patience in food controlling... you see, he text me that he has a meeting with their US counterparts and will go home late. So after eating (yes, i ate again!) and a little chit chat with his relatives (who come to visit my in laws), i go straight to our room, fix some small things in our cabinet and the tired overpowers me so i lay down to our bed and fall asleep... and then he came, and kiss me and whisper, you want pizza, honey?

Pizza!!!! sounds good! "but sorry hon... i will never eat again...not this wee hours of the morning"..so i told him to just eat and let me continue sleeping.. but here i am, all awake.... i can hear them talking at the living room... or maybe, i am thinking of the delicious pizza feast... gee... maybe, i should rest and sleep...


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Burn-Out

I need to loosen up, work load really eats up my free spirited moods in our workplace. I am known as the joker of the group who fires up some laughable quotes and comments to break the ice.. my office mates when busy tends to work up silently in their table and only the music from my pc is one thing you can hear from... no talkings, not even singing or humming some tunes... 

Just when this overloads came in, this is how burn-out follows....and the thinking if i could finish the year working in the same place as Ive been for the last 4 years. who could guess?

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ON BEING EMOTIONAL


Whoa! after few days, i still feel the familiar heart pumping emotions i experienced lately.... i guess i'm really growing old, a bit of something, good or bad .. i'm so quick to get emotional...but im a Leo and born in the year of the Tiger, i'm a fighter... i'm coping up with the stress and go on and let them...soon, i know it will be over ...

I'm glad theres still Vince, my nephew, he really gave me that encouragement to feel happy like what we had this morning over the phone.. He cheerfully greet me with. "Hi tita, you miss me?" and of course i reply with a Yes, and its true. Hes been in his daddy's house for 1 week and we really missed his usual ways of asking about everything he heard or saw really brightens ones day until your the one who will give up, i usually end up staring, thinking on how to answer his endless questions.

Children nowadays are simply amazing. Soon, Vince will celebrate his 6th birthday this April and i know, he will ask me to go to the mall and he will personally choose my gift for him... I know also, as he grows old and taller so as his gift prices will be more expensive.. and i will always be a willing Tita to share that little happiness to him.



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Hurt or Pain

Recently, me and the whole family (on my side) are having misunderstanding on one thing that i don't even imagine that will cross our way....

You see, we are 5 siblings in our family, not easy to handle and surely, a headaches to my parents... we survived all troubles as we grow up.. until we finish school and had our own family.. not to mentions some little cat fight between us 4 girls, but after that, we are still intact and happy as we go on malling together once in a while... until last year, my only brother brought someone in our parents house that changes our life...

i can't go more on details... but it really breaks my heart..

i asked my husband yesterday, if he thinks i'm going overboard on what i am saying and telling them (my family) or am i dictating them on what to decide or do.. he said, "you maybe right, but not to them" and i know from then on, i should stop.. 
but every time i've heard even a faint whisper of a "that" name, i felt my blood burning inside... as i always joke, " reaching the maximum level" .....ready to explode...


i once again asked my husband what will be the right words to describe my feelings... is it "i'm hurt? or i'm in pain?"... "maybe both?" and right there.... he knows, i needed a heavy dose of tight hugs and a pat on my back to let me know he will be on my side whatever happens on this "battle' (and so to describe it)... and then he answer that its the same ... and just to let go...


the homily at the church reminds me to forgive, because unforgiveness weakens the spirit... as i prayed, they will never know my true intentions.. that me and my younger sister are there for them not for our own gain but for their own sake..

but i know someday, or one day... the wounds will heal... and that we will be a happy family again... tested through time.


Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.

-Leo Buscaglia

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Happy Birthday Aubrey Reine! =)





It's been 9 years since we laid our eyes on the cute little angel in the hospital... now, your inches shorter than us, your titas, and your shoe size is bigger than me, that you are so frustrated that you can't try to use my sandals while cat walking inside your room....

You just had your first communion, and we are so proud of what made you now.. (except for being so uber kulit..) but i know you'll grow up as a better person and a happy lady.. keep on studying hard.. may our Good Lord bless you always and stay healthy...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Reine!

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