Living Mye Life

January 2022 is quite not a good start for me and everyone else.  While the world is waiting for the eminent arrival of Covid 19 Omicron virus, I am experiencing yet again another bout of flu like symptoms the night before our new year celebration.

December 31 feels like I’m getting sick.  I knew my body. I felt that extra ordinary cold within me and my muscles started to ache.  The weather is colder at this time of the month, so I guess I’m just feeling the weather.  I even buy some ingredients in the wet market with my husband and prepares and cooked the food as always.  I felt sleepy early night and I’m hoping sleeping might be the answer to my tired body.

January 1 is a different story; I am now having a mild sore throat and I have a slight fever of 37.3C in the afternoon and I immediately inform my husband that they need to transfer to the other room.  I can’t risk them getting sick. 

And so, the slight fever becomes a full-blown fever at 38.2C and I kept on checking my oximeter which is so far at above 95 in reading.  I have no cough and colds, but my sore throat is getting worst.  I can’t help but worry, but the rising number of people in our office getting sick and in home isolation makes me freak out.  I must inform my boss and our company nurse for recommendation.

Monday, January 3, though I have no fever but my sore throat still kicking I must go the nearest hospital for an RT PCR swab testing.  But after minutes of waiting, they informed me that I already used my health card limit for Covid when I was hospitalized last year so they declined my request.  But then my good company let me get the antigen test since I am already symptomatic subject for reimbursement, so I went back to the hospital and voila! The test came back NEGATIVE!

Our barangay health office contact tracer called me if I need to re-swab thru the RT PCR and I said yes because we all know that antigen swab is not that accurate.  They gather all my info and was informed that I need to go to our barangay for a free RT PCR testing on January 5.

It came back NEGATIVE after 2 days of waiting. I feel so relieved, my anti-bodies are indeed working. But my MIL (mother in-law) had a fever and cough and so I caught again the cough with colds, and I must endure it for the rest of the week.  I finally convinced I must take the Chinese herbal supplement, Lianhua capsules with some prescribed cough medicine from our doctor.   I’m feeling better right now. Still coughing phlegm but at least not that much.  I keep on praying to God that we can get over this, all that are sick right now. May God heal us all.

Keep safe everyone! The virus is still out there. God bless us all!

After having contracted this severe Covid Pneumonia, I know my life will never be the same again.  Not that I choose to feel defeated, but sometimes that’s what you’re heading, and I don’t want to feel like that.  I choose to be strong, mainly because I  have plans on many wonderful things I can still do, for myself and most especially for my 2 children.  Amidst all these, I must rely on the FB group of long haulers so that you will know that someone out there knows and understand my situation or my pain or what I’m having right now because they too have been there or are also having it till now.   I always include these people in my prayers because we all deserve to heal, we all deserve to be backed the way we used to be. 

I want someone to talk how I feel, because no matter how strong you are, you will always feel the emptiness, like you are all alone on this battle.  My heart is silently crying for all the little pains I feel.  For all the words I want to scream, for the missed opportunity to bond with my family, for the pleading moments I wanted to run and live my life again.  For working alone and provide for my family.  I worry on my children’s future.  The future is uncertain and then this, having infected by Covid virus turns my life upside down.  As if it was never a turmoil before it began.

I always pray to God to heal my body and soul.  To all long haulers who are still recovering and having another bout of different symptoms much worst from being a Covid positive itself.  I know how you feel.  I always wish the standby oxygen tank, the oxygen nasal cannula I always carry in my laptop bag whenever I go to work will just a permanent fixture in our room and in my bag.  The endless vitamins, the mix and match of supplements will help me ease the pain.  God, my pain of being alone in this battle sometimes is getting me so confused and so sad.  But I know that in every situation, You were there to carry me, to enlighten and heal me.  Thank you, Lord.  I will always praise you no matter how hard my situation is. Praise be to God.

My body is acting up on me again.  I don’t know how this post Covid symptoms will last but I know I’m not the only one.  I joined a group in FB about long haulers and it’s quite different now.  The new joiners are more and more young in ages and it is quite bothersome.

I only read their post and various comments but I never post.  I still have no courage to tell them about it but one thing for sure, we are all experiencing the same symptoms again and again.  Headaches, stuffy nose, shortness of breath, muscle pains, stomach acids, sometimes I think my internal organs area are in pain (it was dreadful to think about it), my body is twice having the pain 2 to 1 weeks before my monthly menstrual period. 

You know, I can’t tackle up this being a long hauler to everyone unless they experience being infected with COVID themselves.  They will understand because 1 or 2 problems in their body will likely occurs even they are been sick with just a mild and moderate one.  if you’re in a situation where we have been, you will know how it feels.  But if not, you will probably ask, "Why? You had it months ago! You mean you feel sick like this till now?"  I had to explain the long Covid syndrome over again.  It’s kind of sad and exhausting.

I told here before that we are 6 in our office that has contracted the COVID virus.  When and how it happens, no one knows. And we can’t blame everyone or me blaming my colleague how she/he is only mild or moderate and me ended up in a hospital for 15 days battling the severe pneumonia.  No one wants this.  No one wants to turn their life upside down and change the course of your life especially your lifestyle.   When we are all recovered one by one (thank God!) and we get to know what happens to us, that’s the time we found out that we have some symptoms that I think the virus left in our bodies.  Shortness of breath, brain fog, cough, stuffy nose is the common one.

Anxiety is the worst post Covid symptoms.  I feel so sad for all of us in the FB page of long haulers that we must deal with this every day.  And I pray to God to help us heal and those needed to be heal, I will always be grateful to God for giving me a second life.  He knows my family needed me.  I owe it to Him.  Praise be to God.

April 3-5, 2021

Going to the restroom is one of my main problem while being hospitalized due to Covid-19 virus.  I got diarrhea, which is one of my symptoms, and one, I need to go to the bathroom all by myself.  With that I must carry all my IV with me and the worst, I must take off my oxygen mask.  That means I must do all I need to do in the restroom, precisely and quickly.  Because after that, I need to use the wall to support me in going back to my bed and wear the oxygen mask again.  My body is a wrecking ball after that.  My oxygen saturation drops down 85 and I must calm myself and breathe again.  I can’t ask the nurses for some help; they were already overwhelmed with the come and go of Covid patients and I really understand their situation.  But then, I asked a friendly nurse to help shampoo my hair.  It’s becoming itchy and started to plaster on my scalp because of oiliness.  

I must ask them sometimes to help me come around in that room, but mostly I used to ask a friendly cleaner to fill in my water jug, wash my face towel, wash my glass, spoon and fork.  I am so grateful for their help. The one time I did some of that, I suffer the consequences of difficulty in breathing.  When at one time, I put down my feet to charge my cellphone, I end up having painful cramps I cried silently while massaging my feet.

I want to go home.  If only I can breathe on my own or I can have the unlimited supply of oxygen like what I have in that hospital, I would always like to stay in our room where I can see and hear my family even by afar.  But I know it’s impossible, I need to stay in there where I need to think of all the happy thoughts, so I won’t get depressed.  I prayed and prayed to God to give me that strength.  My hands started to ache on the constant blood works and poking of needles.  I still have some problem taking down my foods.  I wasted so much foods, but I have no appetite.  I’m having the anti-viral medicine buying it in cash (you want to know how much?) and I wonder, what if you have no money, will they still let you stay in the hospital?  Philhealth and my health card don’t cover the Remdesivir, and I’m in a private hospital. 

I can’t help but to feel sorry for those just like me who spent thousands of pesos just to breathe.  The oxygen is free from God but not the mechanical one.  I really want to go home that time.  It’s been 6 days.  

April 2, 2021

I started to feel anxious.  The nurses tried not to wake me up at 4:00am but I’m ultra sensitive to every movement happening in my hospital room.  The noise of the exhaust fan bothers me at first then I get to used it after a while.  I wake up at the sudden opening of the door.  Time for oximeter test, blood pressure and body temperature (that’s the routine all throughout) and some IV medicines.  The next set of nurses will come at my room at 6:00am for another medicine thru IV and some are taken orally.  Then some instructions on other medicines to take by the next hours.  They had to maximize using of their PPE.  I had to pay for it anyway.   They will charge it to my health card and my health card company has a maximum amount to be charged to them.

A little update to my colleagues whom I was so thankful for sharing their prayers. My husband informs me that they already reported to our homeowner’s association President regarding my confinement due to Covid infection.  We had to do the right way.  Then the President inform our BHERT (Barangay Health Emergency Response Team) to add to the statistics and schedule an immediate swabbing for my whole family.  But with the surge of Covid positive, my husband said it will take a while for them to be swab right away. Anyway, they were advised for a mandatory quarantine and they can’t leave the house anymore for 14 days.   

My husband expressed dismay that he can’t provide my other personal need, but I told him I have someone I can ask to do some errands.  And don’t overthink because I always think that God will never forsake me, I have that strong faith I can make it through.

My colleague and a friend answered my prayers, they voluntarily sent me some toiletries (sanitary pads, cottons, tissues, toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo and conditioner) and foods! Though I feel sad that I have no appetite at all.  I can smell but suddenly the taste of it especially rice seems off and it really can’t pass through my mouth.  I have no choice to put the foods aside including the hospital food they provided.  The feeling is dreading. 

At night, male nurses came to my room to inform me that I need to have a CT scan. I’m feeling weak suddenly.  Being in high flow supplemental oxygen is no joke.  They hoisted me in a wheelchair with portable oxygen down to the first floor where the CT scan area is located.  They assist me in laying down to the machine bed and though I still have my oxygen mask and the whole process is quite quick but the feeling that something might not be right is what makes a person feel that anxiety and fear.

And as I lay down to sleep after they put another vial of Rendesivir on my IV and left my room and be alone for the whole night, I prayed to God that He alone can help me get through this.  I still want to be with my family, I still need to do a lot of things.  I need to be strong.

April 1, 2021

They finally call my husband to process the admission form.  They transferred me that night at past 9:00PM to a private room in the Covid floor (entire 4^th floor is a Covid ward), they said they had to sanitize the whole room for 4 hours before it can be use by another patient.  I bid goodbye to my husband (meters apart) while they are whisking me away thru a wheelchair attached with a portable oxygen.  He still settling some cash payment for the Remdesiver they will use that night.  I can see the sadness in his eyes, while I worry that he may have the Covid virus too because he’s with me in the car and while doing some paper works. I signal that I will call him while we wave each other goodbye.  He might have a problem going home because the curfew is up at 10:00PM- 04:00AM.

We made it to our room. They asked me if I can transfer to the bed on my own.  I told them they can just hold me just in case.  The oxygen Is connected through the wall.  It will be my companion for the rest of my stay.  Within the hour, they injected 2 Remdesiver vial (anti-viral medication) through my IV.  It felt surreal.  It happened so fast that in a matter of hours I was there in a hospital room being treated with severe Covid infection.  How can this happen? 

But I focus on some more medicines they are injecting through my IV.  I asked one time and the nurse said it’s a steroid.  My mind is so clear that time.  I take notice of my room.  I changed my clothes and wear the hospital gown instead, it will be easier for everyone since I’m expecting a lot of poking, blood works and checking of stats. They also gave me some basic toiletries, my own digital body temperature and oximeter unit. 

After giving some updates to my family, colleagues and my husband being at home and wishing me well, I lie down thinking am I too sick to be here?  Or am I being strong just like always.  My cough still bothers me and suddenly my fever is back to normal.  My day 1 happens with a series of medicine being administered to me as scheduled. The anti-coagulant injection (underside of my right arm) hurts the most. The nurse knows, he reminds me that it will hurt. I should take Vitamin C with Zinc 2x a day, cough powder solution and others, orally.  I am now fully dependent on the oxygen. 

I prayed to God to help me made through this.  I suddenly feel alone… and sick.

March 31, 2021 

I got a message from our company nurse that I need to do the RT-PCR swab right away.  I have the symptoms and the irony is, there are 2 people in our office area that is confirmed positive. I started to freak out, I kept saying to myself that if I’m thinking I can get over this, the news squashed all my hopes away.  This must be COVID.

But even before the message, I silently packed my bag because we are now looking for a hospital to check on me.  At least to evaluate on my symptoms and do the swab.  My niece sent me an oximeter thru Grab rider and it though at my first test, my oxygen saturation is 93, it didn’t take much time before it becomes 87.  I asked for my boss help if she knows someone who can help me. We called at least 10 hospitals nearby and they all said they are fully occupied from all the onslaught of COVID positive patients.

Our company nurse called me If I wanted to go to the hospital near our office site in the south and she will talk to the representative since we have a tie up contract on this hospital. I even ask for an ambulance since the car is not yet available that time but one, hospital ambulance is not available, two, the lifeline ambulance service I called is charging me Php20,000 ($400) if I am a member and Php30,000 ($600) for non-members (of course, I’m not a member!) and with the conditions -  if the hospital knew I was going there, they need the name of the doctor so they would call ahead if they knew me and will accept me.  Tsk, my oxygen level may have drop to 50 from that process alone.

My eldest sister come and rescue me from my dilemma.  She gave the car keys to my husband and we drove to the hospital with the windows open, and me at the back silently dry coughing and wishing this is not COVID.

We reached the hospital at 1:00PM. I was interviewed outside of the emergency room,  two nurses, they asked questions while checking my vitals - who’s my contact in that hospital, If I’m there for the swabbing only, etc.  They got my BP - normal but I saw in their eyes something like a knowing look when they got to see my oxygen saturation, I saw 84.  But you know, I’m quite a tough person.  You wouldn’t see me feeling helpless and out of breath or looking sick.  So maybe they think, I wouldn’t need to be admitted.  But I told them I got to be admitted, that’s why I’m there.

I was whisk to an isolation room to further check my stats.  But they already placed an oxygen mask around my face.  They told me the schedule of RT PCR swabbing is 4:00PM.  They would not let me admit because I look good, I can still talk and just sitting there in the room instead of helplessly lying down.  Or maybe, If I'm positive, it's only mild or moderate,  I can stay and wait at home.  I fill up some hospital forms.  Our company nurse is having arguments from the hospital representative because I’m number 38 from the waiting list of those COVID patients waiting to be admitted.  Our nurse said how can they be sure that I will be admitted on the next hospital that they want me to go? They will provide the recommendations they said.  Our nurse said, NO, you should check the patient first. I even confirm to the nurse I will pay for any room available in ER; nurse said the isolation room without the bathroom cost Php6,000 per day.  I said, okay, just to let them check me.  I know they are exhausted, but this female nurse is somewhat annoying, as if it is my fault that I am there.  That I wanted to be there.  She even told me I shouldn’t wait on the symptoms to get worse before getting a swab test.  I told her, you don’t know that (the feeling) and just ignored her.

Then, they wheeled down a portable x-ray machine. After a while, an ER doctor came, we already talked a while ago about giving me recommendation to go to another hospital.  She told me the x-ray result is out, I had pneumonia.  I asked her how was it? She answered, it’s severe.

March 30, 2021

I know there’s something wrong with me the moment I felt it.  I had to isolate myself in our main room with a separate restroom. It’s the proper way when you have 1 or more symptoms to protect your love ones.  I have 2 kids with a husband and mother in-law both with comorbidities.  My youngest daughter sleep with us (husband).  But the moment I felt there’s something brewing up to my body I told my husband to sleep in the other room.

And that saves them from having the virus.

I had a teleconsultation with a doctor thru our MHO card stating all my symptoms.  She doesn’t advise to have a swab test right away because just 2 days that I have symptoms.  And honestly, if she did advice, I don’t know how to do it without cashing out my own money through home service (quite expensive) or how can I go out and request for a swab test while inhibiting symptoms.  She gave me tons of medicines, antibiotics as well so as the stop or prevent my “fever and cough” to progress. 

With the news of Metro Manila hospitals (private and public) being overwhelmed because of the new surge in COVID infections, for the first time in my life, I felt scared.  Deep down inside I pray that I, oh God, this is not COVID.  Please make this just an ordinary flu, I will get better.

But I did not. My cough worsens. My fever spiked up to 39°C, then goes down because I take a paracetamol and then back to 38°C above after few hours. I am hoping the antibiotics will help.  But when you know your body well, you will know that none of it helps you get better.  I inform our HR that I have a fever and cough and though they wish too that it’s just a common flu, they advised me to have the RT-PCR.  I informed my immediate boss on my situation and they too were sympathetic and wish me well.

And then I started to have a diarrhea. And noting all the possible symptoms of Covid infections.  I had to tick having LBM on the lists of symptoms.  I take an anti-diarrhea tablets because my body can’t take another trip to the CR when I barely eat. I started to lose my sense of taste and all foods given to me started to taste like it was horribly cooked. But my sense of smell is still good. So, I had to hang on to any hopes that it’s just a flu and I can make it. I noticed that my fever was consistently high and even the paracetamol can’t handle it anymore.

And boy, how I was wrong. That night, I barely sleep to no sleep at all.  I cough that hard like there’s no tomorrow and I feel there’s this bitter liquid coming out from my mouth when I cough and I thought that is from my gut or from my lungs because that’s how hard I cough, a dry and long cough that tears are forming from my eyes and when I close my eyes, different kind of dreams filled my brains that instantly, so I spent my time sitting on a chair and let the night passes while wide awake.

I had a COVID 19 infection last March 31, 2021.  At first, I had a slight fever merely days before and I thought, it can’t be COVID.  I take necessary precautions while at work or going out for a grocery shopping, I almost stay at home because that our company mandated for the support group.  I only went to work once or twice weekly and when its necessary.  I wear mask, face shield, carry tons of alcohol with me and practiced social distancing.  And most of all, I have no comorbidities, but I still get it.  So, can you blame me if I had to deny at first that it was COVID 19?  Nah, most of us would think that it’s just a common flu.

I want to share the experience so we can be all aware how dangerous this virus is.  I survived not being infected last year when its new and we also must transfer items to an external warehouse near my place as not to disrupt our business.  I must face new sets of people, settle to a shuttle services, as public transportation was not allowed, and I didn’t catch the virus.

Why now? Why me?

My next blogs would be my trip to memory lane when I am battling this deadly virus out of my system and while I’m still in the hospital.  Yes, I was admitted in a hospital for 15 days.  And will tell you some stories of courage, faith, beliefs, will, prayers, support and love. 

For the first time this year, I caught this irritating cough that causing me some sleepless nights.  I tried my usual cough medicine but the ever changing weather is not helping me recover.  I’ve been in and out of a hot-cold environment and my body is not responding well and the results, cough with headache and my body aches a lot. 

Recent news said that another typhoon (named Santi) is coming to town on or before this weekend. Just in time for the Halloween celebration.  I just hope it will move its way and spare our country in further harm.  It’s really hard to recover from all the losses that these past two typhoons brought us.  Also, we will offer a special mass for Tatay this Friday at St. Andrew Cathedral and some of hubby’s relatives will be coming over. 

November 2 (Monday) was declared as a special non-working holiday.  Just in time that I really need to rest this weak body of mine.  We have plans of going to Laguna but it depends if it rains a lot.  I’m still under medication and we will be back to the doctor next week.  I’m still expecting a lot to happen this year.  Let’s pray for that.

The mouth sores on my tongue are hurting thus preventing me to talk much.  My friends would often notice it because I’m quiet and inactive. (lol!) I usually had these mouth ulcers when my period is coming or the sudden change in weather. Rinsing my mouth out with brine (a warm salted water) sometimes help but still painful especially when eating solid foods.  One time, I decided to use the old ways of putting “tawas” or  aluminum Hydroxide on the open mouth sores and it hurts like hell that I cried out loud and hubby came rushing to my side and asked me what happened? Lol! Don’t know till when can I endure this pain and I hope soon.

Well, there’s another type of sore that I know.  These people that are distressing, unpleasant and annoying to the eyes which we called eye-sores. My friend is experiencing this and she can’t do anything about it because they sit side by side at work (ha-ha!) how unfortunate! Now, the only remedy she knows is to put a headset and concentrate at work and tried to maintain her composure and pray that the story telling is over. And that's my advised to her also.  Life is good, so don't waste your breath to these eye-sores =)

I am not exempted from getting sick in this ever changing weather. I woke up yesterday morning with a stomach ache and I thought I’m going to faint because it really hurts. And then I have an LBM and losses my strength going in and out of the rest room but that’s not it, I vomited two times until I have to cry for hubby to help me. He told me to get dress so we can go to the hospital but then my stomach ache stopped and replaced by sudden chill. I have a fever of 38.8 in temperature and I told hubby that I need to lie down.

And by this time the fever went down after it reached for almost 39.2 at 1am today. I have to get up because I’m having a body aches from lying and sleeping almost the whole day. My stomach is still rumbling but I can manage it. I hope the fever will stop but I still need to rest till tomorrow and hopefully I am better that time.

I was about to get out of our room and was about to go to work when I heard hubby’s feint groan. I thought he was just in his deep sleep but I take a closer look and saw his red face. I wake him up and asked if he’s okay, he said he’s not okay so I took his temperature. He has fever and he said his head is aching. Hubby rarely gets sick. Maybe because of the rain-shine weather or he was so pressured again at work.

I decided to leave at work to take care of him. He has this habit of not taking medicines but instead drink lots of water or juice and i have to keep a watchful eye on him. And look at him after he took it. He slumped across our bed and sleep like a big baby =) Oh, he must really in pain. I hope he get well soon.