Mye Life | Living Mye Life

Showing posts with label Mye Life. Show all posts

Showing posts with label Mye Life. Show all posts

Overthinking

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

How do you battle emptiness? The sudden sadness that creeps within you and makes your heart flutter and renders you immobile.

I tried diverting my time in what we call decluttering our endless old clothes and unusable things but the moment you stops, then the feelings went back again. I can’t think even a happy thought right now. I’m so sad.

Was I thinking too much? Was I worried that a transfer of site from our current work may mean I need to resign? Because it is way too far from our house, and I know I can’t handle the travel by commute. Was I affected of my colleague’s sickness? Was I badly needing a miracle to stop overthinking?

I keep on praying to God that in times like this, may He be my cane to remain standing amidst the storms that coming my way.

There will always be a silver lining

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No Rewind

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

I’m beginning to dread if there comes the time that we will fully report to work and my 4 ride transfers and almost 2 hours of travel will take a toll on my fragile body. I want to ask who will support my family if I quit and need to rest from working? I hear a lot of grapevine talks in our group that we might transfer to farther location. Will I able to cope up?

I still got no answer. It the same topic for so long now. Do you take pity on me because all I hear is silence and I don’t know? Its so frustrating. My tears welled up but then who will cry with me? I used to talk about my feelings with my eldest sister, she sympathizes but she can’t do anything about it.

God knows how I pray for my complete healing. Sometimes, I cried inside and alone not because of pain, but because I want to live life like I was stronger before I got sick. I still need to work, I need to get strong. I got a lot of what ifs. Sometimes I keep thinking if I insist on doing this, planning that, will it matter?

God knows I don’t what regrets. I can’t help it. I should have done something before we reach this stage, and we will not be able to bring back our younger age. I should have known. Because if I did, I might steer from different path. I wish life has a rewind button. Maybe then, I can decide much better.

"I must make the decision to move on,

but that can't happen automatically."

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Rainbow

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

It’s been a while. My sister got here from the US to get her son who will had his vacation before he starts being a senior high school (grade 11) this year. And honestly, when you have your sisters near you, you will feel you have renewed strength. Just being near with each other, it feels different. Strength coming from your family. And when she left, (just stayed here for just one week) you can’t help but to feel empty. That a part of you just left too and you don’t know how it will come back. Oh, gosh, I am not usually this way. But I needed my sisters to talk to on this moment of my life. And I will always wait for the time that our siblings will be completed again. Till next time.

After 2 months of waiting, hoping and praying, I am so blessed I finally received great news! Thank you so much God for this, for the blessings, for continuing love, guidance, patience and being with me all the way. I know I can’t do this without You, my Lord. I give all the praise in You.

It’s just a matter of time. I just have to wait for the result. And I know if its time, God will make it happen. And I need to claim this opportunity. That God gave this to me. And I know my life will start all over again as if I’m back from being a 26-year old woman who risked on something new and tried a different path. I still hope that I have that strength till now. And praying that God will give me that strength so I can be back on my feet once more. That the confidence I had before can be found again. I miss the old me. But in due time, with my family’s help, with God’s help, I can still be me. I always think that it will not always rain, it's not always stormy, and when it’s over.... rainbow.

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Never Give Up

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

As days passed by, weeks, and moving up to two months now, I’m already feeling the emptiness inside of me. The bitterness of what caused this is suddenly and slowly creeping back that my heart feels heavy again. I should have managed my time, I should have a plan, I should have chosen the job I wanted to be before leaving. Is this the prize I have to pay for? By genuinely helping? By giving someone countless chance to change but instead get back to me just because the lies permanently reside in his heart and he wanted revenge? Is this the prize I have to painstakingly endure because I want to protect my family from someone who verbally abusing them?

I must move on. And when I ever feel the pain again, I always pray to God to help me and help me to forgive so I can forget. It’s not an easy task. I will always remember what they did to me, but it’s the first step, to acknowledge the hurt. To challenge yourself that no matter what you do, there will always someone who will hurt you, who will happily see you falling down. But amidst all the struggles now, God will always give His hand to help me get up.

All I have to do is to believe that this too shall pass. That someone out there still believe and are willing to help me. And I thank God for them. I will always be grateful to God that He is giving me a glimpse of hope. That I have to learn to wait patiently and wait for my chance. God will never give up on me so I will bear in mind that giving up is not an option This is not how my story will end.

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Who am I

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapor in the wind

Still you hear me when I'm calling

Lord, you catch me when I'm falling

And you've told me who I am

I am yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again?

Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me?

Credits to Casting Crowns "Who am I" song

Just when I thought it will be over before the week end, we were treated with silence, no notifications, no text messages, no calls, no emails, nothing. Just when we thought we will be finally moving on, we will still endure the shame and recalling the days it happened, just because on whatever their reasons to prolonged it. Another worry, another heavy heart, another what if’s.

I’ve heard the Casting Crowns song titled Who am I, I can’t help the tears falling from my eyes. And as I read the lyrics, remembering it by heart, my life flashes back before the 23^rd of January, how it all began. It always leave a bittersweet after taste in my heart. But you know, God will never leave our side, He will hold our hands when we are about to fall. He will forgive us for what we’ve done. For what we think wrong, and our Lord God will always be with us no matter what happen.

I just hope and pray that it will end well. Dear God, let it end well so we can all finally move on. Lay your hands upon those people, help them remember the word humanity. That’s its never too late.

Thank you, Lord for giving me strength, for my family’s support, for my friends who never leave our side. For believing in us, for helping us stand up. For everything, Lord God. Thank you.

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GOD will make a way

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

I cried because I feel helpless that time. All the things that I kept deep inside suddenly came up and I poured my heart out to someone that I know in the end will either seal the final nail or gave me something to hold on to. But I know that it is “I’m just doing my job” thing will be the best answer. There’s nowhere to turn but to fight. To accept that in order to make you whole again you have to fight for the right thing in the right manner and in the right place.

In their minds, we are wrong, we will always be wrong. There are some people who takes one’s happiness so they will feel happy. Like a Dementors in Harry Potter books. They live in other’s pain and misery. They will never stop until you were drain of peace, hope and happiness and then it will glorify them. I see those people, I even befriended some. I even share foods and happy stories with them. They are everywhere.

But you know, God will always be there for you, for us. Even when you are in the darkest place and nowhere to go. God will create light and make a way. He will never leave us. He will show us that after all the pain, happiness and joy will follow.

I never expected to received such a great news. I only prepared for the worst at the end of the week. But now, I am looking forward for next week. Because next week is my new hope, my new life, my moving on moment, my healing answer. And I thank God for the people behind this. I will be back standing tall again and I will celebrate with the people who I never expected will be on my side. I will never ever forget them. Thank you, God, for my family, friends, and supporters that giving me encouragement and hope.

Thank you, God, for everything, for being forgiving, for the trust, for the never-ending love, and carrying me when sometimes it’s too heavy to continue. I will not fill my heart with hatred because it will never help me heal. And I wanted to heal. God will help me heal and He will always guide my way.

To God be the glory!

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#NeverAgain

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

A niece of mine called me early morning about one Facebook post of someone whom she knows that was all about me. After all, that same person who posted that “meaningful” posts has made some remarkable lessons we truly learned in our life, particularly on me.

To begin with, I love to help. It may be a wounded animal or a helpless stray kitten or dogs or reptiles that I can help just to give them a chance to live, I’m doing it. My hubby said I can be a veterinarian. So, when this particular person asked me to help so they can live a better life (according to this person), I didn’t hesitate. After all, I’ve known their family for so long and the tears in this person eyes can melt even the hardest heart. And my family, my whole family extend their arms open wide to help them. We did our best, we help this person with all our heart. But that’s one story of our life. How could we ever know this person’s real intention? Or the life behind the smile? The façade that was carefully planned? Or the deceitful looks?

My family was left astounded by the fact that this person rained chaos on us but still maintain the innocence that others deemed believable. So, this news about this person’s post drama is a no brainer for us. My sisters and I decided to cut the ties from all of them. We will never entertain any negative thoughts that might stressed us out or might trigger us to say something. We will block all of them who will try to ruin the tight and happy family we have now. We will not succumb to the helpless pleas they knew would melt our heart, just like they always did before. We will not break because they did something that would make them feel victorious.

And we’ve done our part. God knows that we’ve done our part. Forgiveness will be the next, then let go and turn it over to God. It’s time to heal.

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All is Well

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

… Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

You created us, chose us, bought us, reconciled us, and delight in us. Who cares what anybody else thinks, says, or feels about us? Forgive us for giving any other voice more power over our hearts than yours—whether it’s the accusations of the devil or the meanness of men, the contempt of our shame or the flattery of the world. – Scotty Smith www.thegospelcoalition.org

When I feel the familiar pain in my heart and the sleep begins to betrays me, I feel so all alone. I started to browse my phone book and wish somebody would talk to me to keep my mind off things. The resentment and betrayal started to rise and clouded my mind, because I wanted to give all the justifications I want to be free from this hurt. I would do anything not to feel the pain, to escape this nightmare and to just go back the way it used to be before.

That’s when I started to read some of the write ups and stories about asking for forgiveness and giving it all to God. The above article I’ve read is the exact feeling I have since the day it happens. Who am I to whine? To complain?

This is the lessons you will learn the hard way. You will be shamed, provoked, but it doesn’t mean that God left us to depend ourselves, God never let His children wonder the forest alone, He will always be there for us, for me.

As I write this story, I felt that the heaviness in my heart started to go away, that’s how I know that God touches me to remind me that He will be with me every step of the way.

With God for Us, All Is Well.

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The Right Ones

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

“When you rise in life, your friends know who you are.

When you fall down, you know who are your friends”

True friends show their love in troubles, not only in happiness. And the friends I’d been with through the years are now staying silent through out the ordeal. Not even Hi or Hello, even they can see you often active in your messenger and they know your mobile number.

I won’t complain. I don’t even want to feel upset about it. That’s how is it. I come to realize that those people you are not expecting to be by your side are the one’s rallying to help you cope. Giving you prayers, wishing you well and helping you move on.

Friends that they don’t even care if it’s late at night as long as you still want to talk. Friends that will ask you how you feel, or they include you in their prayers.

I am not demanding the others to do the same. It just thought that they have their own personal reasons not to support me, or maybe feel they just don't really care. But when they start believing on the hearsay and believing the lies they are hearing that spread around is a different story. They might think it’s true even without confirming it to me. To be honest, it hurts me the most. But I guess with all the versions of the story, I can’t blame them. Sometimes it’s too believable and they might think it’s possible. That’s the kind of friends you would want to forget as you move on. But I will always be thankful for all the moments of happiness with them.

Even in the midst of the pain, life is worth living.

God is good all the time.

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Silver Linings

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

When you go to a depression mode, you will always think the unthinkable. Your heart will palpitate for no apparent reasons, you will feel down at no cause, you think someone or somebody is talking behind your back, you will think the world is against you, that nobody believes and nobody cares for you anymore. I know there’s so much more than that and I can't mention it all. But believe me, you wouldn’t want to be there. You wouldn’t want to be on their shoes, you wouldn’t want to feel like what we feel, what they feel.

But amidst all of these storms in your life, you have to give yourself and your mind and your heart to the Lord above. He will help you realize that eventually this will all end, made you stronger and He will always protect you and help you ease the burden.

I come to realize upon talking to a friend last night that I am not made of stone as I projected myself to them. I carry a brave voice and a straight mind but deep inside I am crushing and my heart always feel the heavy load. And then I pray. I asked our Dear God to help ease the pain. That above all these, life will move on and so am I.

I just need to rely to God that whenever I feel down and weak, He will there to always carry me.

Thank you, Lord for giving me another day. That I wake up every day seeing my family giving me encouraging words, believing in me, helping me cope. And my kids saying I love you, giving me their tightest hug as wide as their small arms can offer and that their smile and happy heart makes me find the courage that I will make it through above all the chaos.

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LOVE OF THE FAMILY

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Family Matters, Mye Life

As the day passes by, I’m starting to realize that you and your family and with your true and closest friends will be the only one left on this battle.

I’m learning to accept the fact that we will never be going back to where we are before. A happy strong and happy team. And that I can never work with the people whom you think will depend you through the worst but the first one to run when the toughs get going. I can never bear to see their faces and pretend that they are just doing their job.

But I am so grateful that this very moment proves that no matter how hard it is and how you keep tumbling down the hill, they will fight and stay on your side and they will support you all the way - my family.

My family never leaves me, never judge me, never criticize me and never leave my side. Instead they help me step by step so I can accept and move on. They help me fight the right thing, to be strong and to regain and bring back my confidence.

I have a few real friends and gained another one. When these things happened, they show me and supported me and help me to realize that there is life after all the hurt.

I know the real concern from the one who are just getting new updates or just asking me how do I feel. I found out that there are people who will just stand and look at you to fight your own battle. They will never say anything, just looking at you with the eyes you will never forget and the words you hope they never said.

I will be forever thankful for the love of my family, for the love of God, for the real concerns of my friends, for giving me an extended hand when I needed it most. And for those who believes in me, I will never forget you and you know who you are.

We will never stop believing and we will fight till the end. God is good all the time.

God bless you all!

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AGONY

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

We sometimes experience what we can consider as the darkest moment of our lives. It may be because of the heart break, loss of someone’s lives and sometimes, false accusations.

Just when you think that everything is going smoothly in your life, with just one snap of a finger, you will experience a nightmare while you're awake. It’s how what I am feeling right now. I’m in a deepest shallow right now that I don’t know if when or how will I ever get out. My life is grievously

affected, I can’t eat properly, my heart is always heavy, I can’t sleep and I can’t even take care of my family

What will happen? I don’t know and God only knows.

I pray to God to help ease the burden. That with all these, He will give us strength to withstand these trials. That He will grant us peace of mind and resolution.

In Jesus name. Amen.

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AFFECTED

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

When you feel like crying out loud but you just ended up feeling numb? I feel that. I always feel that. Sometimes I really wanted to shout out my frustration, but ended up feeling numb again. I don’t want to stress out, it will show, my children would know and my children are relying to me. I’m not depressed, I’m disappointed that it we come a long way, all those years and here we are, back to square one.

Can I replay one moment in my life where I should laid first the plans? That we should settle first the dos and don’ts? That we amicably agreed on how we should carry out our lives?

I can’t overturn the stones anymore. It’s my life that I have to move on.

I’m praying to God to guide the way. To help straighten my faith. And to touch the one who seems to forget that all of this must be handle the right way.

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Best Job

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

Its 2016 and I’ve never been busy all my life. But I guess in a very nice way. With two kids around you and working 5 times a week, my body sometimes says it all, all the muscle aches and even headaches got a toll of me. But I’m not complaining, I love every single day I have with my kids and my family. Never gets better than this.

Our baby Resha is like a whole bunch of nieces and nephews roll in to one. At 8 months and 3 weeks, she knows how to tire up the entire family carrying her. She will surely rock your world. She can do a lot of things that you wouldn’t dare to leave her even for a second. She can move around fast and she can even snatch anything from your hand and when you wanted to take it back, she will cry her hearts out. She doesn’t want us to tie her hair. You have to distract her when tying her hair or she will try to rip it off her head. She recognizes her kuya Nathan, even when her brother is messing up around, she’s like a baby cheerleader showing a happy face and laughing out loud to his brother antics. He’s the one I always use to distract baby Resha so I can change her clothes or comb her hair. Even when I was still pregnant with her, she will notice and move around my tummy (as if jumping or anything) when her brother would cry, or laugh or sing out loud. They can both sleep soundly when I start singing “Rock-a-bye baby” because that’s the song I sing to her Kuya when he’s sleepy and she recognize the song even now.

I am so tired every day from the gruesome traffic I endured on my way home, but the smile and the happy feet wiggling when she saw me takes it away. Kuya Nathan will kiss me and will asked for his treat and baby Resha will lift her cute little arms to me, making this happy sound as if saying, “Take me, Mommy!”

And so it takes a small little happy smile and a kiss to take away all the worries. I got the best job in the world.

My world ♥♥♥

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God's blessings

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change - James 1:17

September is almost up. And this month is quite overwhelming. God is good. He blessed our family with another bundle of joy this year. He keeps us healthy and well. I was promoted at work and we got our new car at last. After so much planning, budgeting and everything, hubby and I decided that its time to have it.

But what keeps me busy nowadays is the upcoming christening of our daughter. I was planning this for months because I don’t want to cram anymore. I already made the arrangements for the catering services, we paid for the down payment and as well as the reservations of the function hall at the Malate Catholic Church. It was a familiar place for us since Nate was baptized there 4 years ago and also used one of their function halls. I’m glad they didn’t raise the fee even after so many years. It was very convenient for us that after the ceremony, the reception area is just a few steps away from the church. I hate to see our visitors travelling under the rain or the scorching heat of the sun. So a few additional expenses is just okay with us considering the convenience it will give.

I already finalized with the cake and cupcakes designs. I have so many additional designs for the cupcakes and cakes and I’m happy that my contacts will gladly do it. She even gave me discounts on the delivery charge. I'm their favorite customer :) I’m still waiting for their bank details though.

I’m still thinking on Resha’s souvenirs, I don’t want the usual souvenirs that you can put on display above your tv rack but something cute and edible. Well, I still have few more weeks to think about it.

The dresses, shoes and head dress of Resha are complete now. And I’m so excited for her to put it on at her big B.

Come to think of it, I’m more excited than anyone else. And I will be exhausted before, during and after the event but knowing that Resha’s will finally be a Christian, it’s the best feeling in the world.

So, thank you so much Lord. I can’t thank you enough for giving us our precious kids.

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Best Year Ever

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

I can proudly admit that this year is one of the best year for me, for my family, work, love and I thank our Lord God every day for that. But most of all was having our precious daughter, Resha who came to our life unexpectedly but what a blast! She’s our angel, our princess and our gem. Her big brother, Nate is equally delighted that he can now see and talk to her sister in flesh instead of just touching my tummy whenever his sister is moving around.

Aside from some minor uneasy situations involving their health, I thank our Lord that they always recovered easily. They are such a fighter like me :) Nathan told me one afternoon that he’s our prince, baby Resha is the princess, I’m their queen and their Dad is the king. Having my family around and in good health is like being royals in every way. They are my life.

August is my birth month, and though this is the first time that I will be working on my birthday, I don’t think much of it because what I’m thinking right now is my long month preparation on Resha’s baptismal. I already bought Nate’s clothes for that special occasion and I still need more time so we can buy Resha’s beautiful baptismal dress. There are lots of beautiful dresses in Mall of Asia but its pricey too. I want to try it all on to her :)

I’ll celebrate my birthday in my sister’s house so we can be having another get together. My mom wants to be with Resha a lot but she has less time for that now unlike before when she use to take care of Nathan till his first year. After that, I’ll be having a special time with hubby next Monday because my eat-all you can voucher is located at the bay and I don’t want to risk my children’s health in various pollutants around the area.

So another year will be added to my age. I need to think I’m still young :) Though my body sometimes disagrees ha-ha-ha!

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Lost

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

I was quite busy these days. And I don’t know why. I think I’m having my down days without any particular reasons. But I think it’s just normal to have this kind of ‘depression’ period, I think way beyond my normal self. And I’m feeling sad sometimes.

Well, I need to do something more worthy. My son is getting hyper as he grows. He’s on his toddler years and I have to be more careful in dealing with his tantrums. He’s a sweet boy. He sometimes wakes us up telling us he loves us. Oh, I pray he will never get tired of giving us his kisses. It’s the sweetest good morning greetings of all time waking up beside your loving husband and son. I feel so blessed.

I lost P1000 (S25) on my way home last night. I think when I take out my ID from the pocket of my uniform (blouse), the money came out with it and the lady in front of me ( I was riding at the back side of an FX taxi) was not kind enough to return it me. I realized it was missing when I immediately felt that there’s something wrong and when I check my pocket it was gone. I have checked my pocket while waiting for the taxi and I saw that it was there. I usually put my money in the pocket of my blouse and I never lost any single centavo just now. Well, charged it to experience. It is my first time to have lost that big amount of money. Hubby said it was all right at least I am safe. But I still can’t shake the feeling that someone can take something she never owns.

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Labor Day

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

Another month has passed and May here in the Philippines means flower and some of the major feast is happening all over the country. As much as we wanted to travel around to attend some occasions, the searing heat forbids us to do that. I will rather go to the mall to freshen up or I will stay in our house to avoid the sun. Today is a holiday because of Labor Day and we opted to stay at home to my surprise, hubby agreed.

Going to church every Sunday is cooler now that our parish priest decided to open the air conditioning system of the church. I think that is the best thing that happened this month and people are now happy with the changes and for me it encouraged Catholics to give more because we knew that our church wants us to be convenient also.

May is also the birth month of my brother, a family friend and my niece. And we should not forget the mother’s day on the second week of the month. I hope everyone can celebrate it in our house. That will be awesome.

I can only wish for happy months ahead. I will not expect but I will pray for it.

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Good and Bad

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

I think April is not for me, well, for some reasons. One, I lost my blackberry cell phone in the taxi on the way for my Mom’s monthly check up. The taxi driver don’t care enough to answer my phone even though you can sing right through with a Nelly song. One thing for sure, I have my incoming call volume into the maximum mode. So after an hour of my sisters and my hubby’s calling my number, he has the courage to take out my SIM card and so the end of my 6 month phone.

Second, I lost my camera’s memory card. And adding insult to the injury, I think my DSLR camera has a problem too. It just made a slow and disappointing process on keeping its quality during my hubby’s birthday celebration yesterday and Nathan had a blast dancing a One Direction song in the living room. Our relatives keep on clapping to encourage him to do more on his one man show. And I recorded it all on my DSLR but then after I put it on my table to get the card reader, I forget about it for some reasons and then at night, it was all gone.

It all happened just barely 2 weeks of April and I hope it will be the last. Well, I still have some good news to tell you and that is my hubby’s birthday treat and our mini store is doing all fine. I hope for more good news before the month ends. I just keep on praying for that. Aja, aja!

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April fool’s day

thoughts of Mye | Labels: Mye Life

I had said before that March should bring me good luck and blessings. But my father died last month, so I will never wish again for this month, I’m still at lost with what happened to my Papa. I still want him to be with us, I wanted to do more. But it’s all gone and I pray that he’s happy with God now.

After a long Lenten holiday, April 1 started with me waking up so early and tending to our kitchen while Nathan wake up on the wrong side of the bed, crying and calling me but when I will get him to get up, he’ll turn his back at me and wailed again. Speaking of tantrums and hot weather, Nathan used that excuse to throw his temper. He was clingy to me when we were in Ilocos Sur and that continues after we get home to Manila. But that’s the life of a toddlers, we will get used to it in no time.

First day of the week at work and we have to brave the hot weather just to have our lunch outside our office. I lost another opps and this is the second time I forgot to check on my daily emails. My mother will have her follow up check-up today and my eldest sister will also get the result of her mammogram in which she was dreaded to know the explanation from her OB Gyne. It’s been troubling her over the weekend and tomorrow will be her judgement day. I hope everything will be okay for both of them. I don’t want to hear any sad news anymore.

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