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Remember When

I have this kind of thing or whatever you wanted it to call but I love looking on wedding dresses.  Until now that I am into my 11 years of being married, I still like to see those beautiful laces and styles of a wedding dress.  I still recall how I browse the internet looking a perfect wedding dress for me when my husband then boyfriend of 4 years finally proposed and I said, YES! :0  And when I see one, I know it’s perfect for me.


Those tulle beaded dress, satin and French laces and long trains fascinates me.  I wish I can design but I can’t even draw a single line of body shapes and maybe that’s not my thing.  When my sister got married before me, I suggest on her wedding gown design but it’s mostly her that decides on what style to wear, after all, it’s her big day. 


So when I’m thinking on the day that my only daughter finally marries, I hope I can suggest on the designs while jumping up and down out of excitement but hey, she’s only 4 months old! My husband will likely screen all potential suitors and will insist she has to be 30 years old before settling down.  You know, father will probably do that and will think like that when it comes to their daughter.  Me, I’m old enough when I finally settle down and my father kept on asking me when I will get married. Ha-ha-ha!


So now, I will still go on browsing those beautiful wedding dress online and dream about it. 


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Best Year Ever

I can proudly admit that this year is one of the best year for me, for my family, work, love and I thank our Lord God every day for that.  But most of all was having our precious daughter, Resha who came to our life unexpectedly but what a blast! She’s our angel, our princess and our gem.  Her big brother, Nate is equally delighted that he can now see and talk to her sister in flesh instead of just touching my tummy whenever his sister is moving around.


Aside from some minor uneasy situations involving their health, I thank our Lord that they always recovered easily.  They are such a fighter like me :) Nathan told me one afternoon that he’s our prince, baby Resha is the princess, I’m their queen and their Dad is the king.  Having my family around and in good health is like being royals in every way.  They are my life.


August is my birth month, and though this is the first time that I will be working on my birthday, I don’t think much of it because what I’m thinking right now is my long month preparation on Resha’s baptismal.  I already bought Nate’s clothes for that special occasion and I still need more time so we can buy Resha’s beautiful baptismal dress.  There are lots of beautiful dresses in Mall of Asia but its pricey too. I want to try it all on to her :)


I’ll celebrate my birthday in my sister’s house so we can be having another get together.  My mom wants to be with Resha a lot but she has less time for that now unlike before when she use to take care of Nathan till his first year.  After that, I’ll be having a special time with hubby next Monday because my eat-all you can voucher is located at the bay and I don’t want to risk my children’s health in various pollutants around the area.


So another year will be added to my age.  I need to think I’m still young :) Though my body sometimes disagrees ha-ha-ha!











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You are allowed

While browsing, I come across a friendly reminder to everyone that once in a while you are allowed. Here goes:

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself

You are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you

You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships.

You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving.


I think I got that all covered.  I’ve been in similar situations before and I’m glad I decided on doing the right thing.  I forgive but never forget.  I always remember to be more cautious on people who once break my trust and you have no choice but to be with them and be around them.  Because I’m allowed to never let them rule my life.  And I’m glad that by doing that, I love the person I am today.  


Women nowadays tend to test their long thread of patience but when it snaps, there’s no turning back.
So when you feel all the pressures in life and you thought you have nowhere to turn and you always doubt yourself and you always feel down and out and you believe that you deserve not to be happy, remember that you are allowed.



God is good all the time. 





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Birthing Story

Do you experience the fear of losing everything once in your life? I did.  When my OB Gyne told me that she suspected a pre-eclampsia during a scheduled visit last Monday, April 20,  I can’t talk right away because I was so shocked that my worst fear is right there in that moment.  She said I am only 3cm dilated and her initial memo was to walk, walk and keep on walking to help me to have an easy labor.  I experienced a headache 2 days prior to my OB appointment and we’re worried on the registered high blood pressure.  I keep on thinking that time that because its summer and it was so hot it’s affecting my body.  I don’t want to think the worst out of my pregnancy because I know my baby and I was doing great, I never had HB pressure in my entire pregnancy, my sugar level is regulated and I don’t even have Edema not until that final moment that I gained 2 more pounds. 

My OB told us she can’t allow me to go home and I had to admit right that very moment.  She subjected me in the series of lab test including a 24 hr urine test to determine the protein in my urine, a 24 hour magnesium sulfate treatment that I dreaded most during my active labor the following morning.  They keep on checking my reflexes to know if there is magnesium toxicity.  And imagine doing all of that when I was there in my most painful labor I ever known. They induced me also and they broke my water bag at 4am in the morning. 

I had a 17 total hours of labor that I even begged the medical team inside the delivery room to give me the full epidural because I can’t take it anymore.  I know im losing consciousness and only the hard contractions was keeping me awake.  I endure the chilling and after that, my temperature shoots up to 40 degrees Celsius and I can hear my OB instructing to give me oxygen, check my sugar and then my blood pressure.  I’m drifting in and out of my consciousness but I know I don’t want to go to sleep.  I want to know what’s going on. Until they finally spare me from the pain and I barely heard the anesthesiologist telling me to give my full effort to push (they even help thru pundal moves) and my OB will deliver my baby thru vacuum extraction. 


From that, I heard my OB telling us to stop pushing and feel something that’s coming out of my body and saw my baby after a gruesome 17 hours of my life. She's out at 10:16am.  My baby’s cord was tired around her neck that’s why whenever I exhale, she will goes back to my womb.  As my OB is telling me that it was so near yet so far. My baby is doing great, I heard her cry and I'm crying too. I am so relieved though  I was so tired, exhausted and felt like jelly.  All I want to do is to drink water because my baby and I are both dehydrated.  My voice is hoarse and I wanted to see my husband right away.  I asked the resident OB that time if her pedia is coming for her because I’ve heard my baby has a slight fever. I caught myself in a stainless hand rail in a bed beside me at the recovery room and I looked like I was being beaten badly.  My eyes were all bulgy, my hair was sticking flat to my head, my lips were cracked, and my skin looks dry and wet at the same time.   But I’m glad and so thankful to God that He helps me to make it through.  

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Another Month

It’s been a while.  By this time I’m about 34 weeks with our baby girl.  I have to be on a diet now since my OB doesn’t like the result of my latest glucose test.  So goodbye to my cookies, my favorite white chocolate parmesan popcorn, my chilled juices and sweet cravings  and back to half a rice, more water, matchbox size meat, 4 small slices of white bread and a slice of fruit.  I’m beginning to feel the Braxton Hicks contractions mostly at night and sometimes it leaves me breathless.  I just talked to my baby that it’s okay to practice but she should come out by next month, he-he-he. 


During my last visits to my OB, she measured my belly and she said I have quite a big baby inside.  But she said hubby and I are also big so we should expect big baby as well.  But I don’t what her to be that big or what they called Macrosomia or “big baby”.  I want it normal if God permits.  But when I take a look at some pregnant women around me, I thought my belly at 34 weeks is just fine and not that big.  So I really have to keep my diet and sugar intake on check just to avoid complications.  Though my OB scheduled another ultrasound after 2 weeks and I need another test of Post Prandial Blood Sample, that will be my turning point if my dietitian is right on the track. 
My OB also wanted me to check the fetal movement an hour after every meal for 10 minutes.  She wants to know every details of it by my next check-up.  But our baby keeps on tapping her feet and moving around even before I eat my meals that I loose count before the end of 10 minutes.  She’s a happy baby so when her Daddy poke my belly and calls her name, she will poke at him too and moves around my tummy.  She likes to hear the sound of his Kuya Nathan.  When Nathan sings and talks, you can feel her moving around and kicking her feet.  At one time, Nathan was waking me up and when I told him I still need to sleep, his baby sister came to the rescue and began tapping her feet or hands in my belly and yes, I need to get up.  I see the connivance in the future :)


We already finished the entire baby shopping. I just fill up with what are urgently needed.  With all the little clothes and crib that my sister gave me, I save a lot from it.  We are now praying for my safe delivery.  And I know God will help us to make through it. 


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Trimester

I’m 29 weeks and 1 day now.  How time flies and we are only waiting for 10 weeks and 6 days before we can see our new bundle of joy J I can always feel her kicking my tummy it sends my dress flying.  It’s an overwhelming feeling and I even got her in one of the videos while waiting for her to kick. 

So the weekend flies that I hardly felt her.  It made me so worried I almost think of going to emergency hospital just to know that she’s okay.  I would lie down to bed so I can concentrate feeling her but all I felt is a faint kick, not the usually MMA kicks she’d do to me.  And then I pacify my mind, I just think she’s having a hard time moving around because she’s getting big and cramping in my womb.  But then she moves around last night to my outmost relief! Though she doesn’t do her usual back flips and everything, it’s more than okay to throw away some negative feelings.


I’m having a hard time sleeping last night.  My tummy is cramping again and any position I made just to sleep soundly was not enough.  I started to feel worried again.  Maybe I should minimize reading some pregnant stories in the internet to lessen my troubled mind. 


This morning, when her kuya Nathan starts having his usual mood swings and then crying while hugging his baby sister, I felt her move.  Maybe, she’s wondering why her older brother is crying.  And then while riding the taxi going to my office, I can feel her moving and kicking again.  I guess she knows now the sound of the engine and the familiar sounds of the moving cars and jeepneys.  I welcome her back.  It feels good that she’s really okay.  Wow, the joy of my pregnancy.  J




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Miracle of Life

I am adjusting a lot.  It is a whole lot of adjustments that I feel scary and exciting at the same time.  But I know this journey will change my life forever.  And I can’t wait for my little baby girl to come out and made our dreams come true. 


I am approaching my 7th month and we’ve been looking on her little picture from the ultrasound every now and then.  We are so overwhelmed by just looking at her on the monitor and she even moves to show us her gender.  Sometimes, you wonder that she’s growing inside your tummy.  I feel her kicking me even during the wee hours of the morning and then I feel hungry after.  My hubby will sometimes wake up to find out I am munching bread and drinking water at 5am in the morning.  This little angel would remind me that it’s time to eat again and she will keep on kicking all over my tummy and I sometimes just laugh, it’s tickles. 



I can’t help but to feel worried when I can’t feel her moving.  I guess she’s just asleep or too lazy to move that much.   I’m just used to feel her around even when I’m on a cab or working at the office.  I am experiencing lots of body pains even now, I even had nose bleed and bleeding gums but then it is part of being pregnant.  I am trying to eat different fruits every day.  And my OB said that I have to continue drinking my milk twice a day.  I will have my next check-up next month and maybe I’ll have another round of fasting blood sugar.  I’m already done with my tetanus-diphtheria toxoid vaccine during my last OB visit.  Hubby decided to have a 4D ultrasound next week and we can’t wait to see her again!  



Take a look at my little baby girl at 25 weeks and 2 days... isn't she amazing? 



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