Living Mye Life

April 3-5, 2021

Going to the restroom is one of my main problem while being hospitalized due to Covid-19 virus.  I got diarrhea, which is one of my symptoms, and one, I need to go to the bathroom all by myself.  With that I must carry all my IV with me and the worst, I must take off my oxygen mask.  That means I must do all I need to do in the restroom, precisely and quickly.  Because after that, I need to use the wall to support me in going back to my bed and wear the oxygen mask again.  My body is a wrecking ball after that.  My oxygen saturation drops down 85 and I must calm myself and breathe again.  I can’t ask the nurses for some help; they were already overwhelmed with the come and go of Covid patients and I really understand their situation.  But then, I asked a friendly nurse to help shampoo my hair.  It’s becoming itchy and started to plaster on my scalp because of oiliness.  

I must ask them sometimes to help me come around in that room, but mostly I used to ask a friendly cleaner to fill in my water jug, wash my face towel, wash my glass, spoon and fork.  I am so grateful for their help. The one time I did some of that, I suffer the consequences of difficulty in breathing.  When at one time, I put down my feet to charge my cellphone, I end up having painful cramps I cried silently while massaging my feet.

I want to go home.  If only I can breathe on my own or I can have the unlimited supply of oxygen like what I have in that hospital, I would always like to stay in our room where I can see and hear my family even by afar.  But I know it’s impossible, I need to stay in there where I need to think of all the happy thoughts, so I won’t get depressed.  I prayed and prayed to God to give me that strength.  My hands started to ache on the constant blood works and poking of needles.  I still have some problem taking down my foods.  I wasted so much foods, but I have no appetite.  I’m having the anti-viral medicine buying it in cash (you want to know how much?) and I wonder, what if you have no money, will they still let you stay in the hospital?  Philhealth and my health card don’t cover the Remdesivir, and I’m in a private hospital. 

I can’t help but to feel sorry for those just like me who spent thousands of pesos just to breathe.  The oxygen is free from God but not the mechanical one.  I really want to go home that time.  It’s been 6 days.  

April 2, 2021

I started to feel anxious.  The nurses tried not to wake me up at 4:00am but I’m ultra sensitive to every movement happening in my hospital room.  The noise of the exhaust fan bothers me at first then I get to used it after a while.  I wake up at the sudden opening of the door.  Time for oximeter test, blood pressure and body temperature (that’s the routine all throughout) and some IV medicines.  The next set of nurses will come at my room at 6:00am for another medicine thru IV and some are taken orally.  Then some instructions on other medicines to take by the next hours.  They had to maximize using of their PPE.  I had to pay for it anyway.   They will charge it to my health card and my health card company has a maximum amount to be charged to them.

A little update to my colleagues whom I was so thankful for sharing their prayers. My husband informs me that they already reported to our homeowner’s association President regarding my confinement due to Covid infection.  We had to do the right way.  Then the President inform our BHERT (Barangay Health Emergency Response Team) to add to the statistics and schedule an immediate swabbing for my whole family.  But with the surge of Covid positive, my husband said it will take a while for them to be swab right away. Anyway, they were advised for a mandatory quarantine and they can’t leave the house anymore for 14 days.   

My husband expressed dismay that he can’t provide my other personal need, but I told him I have someone I can ask to do some errands.  And don’t overthink because I always think that God will never forsake me, I have that strong faith I can make it through.

My colleague and a friend answered my prayers, they voluntarily sent me some toiletries (sanitary pads, cottons, tissues, toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo and conditioner) and foods! Though I feel sad that I have no appetite at all.  I can smell but suddenly the taste of it especially rice seems off and it really can’t pass through my mouth.  I have no choice to put the foods aside including the hospital food they provided.  The feeling is dreading. 

At night, male nurses came to my room to inform me that I need to have a CT scan. I’m feeling weak suddenly.  Being in high flow supplemental oxygen is no joke.  They hoisted me in a wheelchair with portable oxygen down to the first floor where the CT scan area is located.  They assist me in laying down to the machine bed and though I still have my oxygen mask and the whole process is quite quick but the feeling that something might not be right is what makes a person feel that anxiety and fear.

And as I lay down to sleep after they put another vial of Rendesivir on my IV and left my room and be alone for the whole night, I prayed to God that He alone can help me get through this.  I still want to be with my family, I still need to do a lot of things.  I need to be strong.

April 1, 2021

They finally call my husband to process the admission form.  They transferred me that night at past 9:00PM to a private room in the Covid floor (entire 4^th floor is a Covid ward), they said they had to sanitize the whole room for 4 hours before it can be use by another patient.  I bid goodbye to my husband (meters apart) while they are whisking me away thru a wheelchair attached with a portable oxygen.  He still settling some cash payment for the Remdesiver they will use that night.  I can see the sadness in his eyes, while I worry that he may have the Covid virus too because he’s with me in the car and while doing some paper works. I signal that I will call him while we wave each other goodbye.  He might have a problem going home because the curfew is up at 10:00PM- 04:00AM.

We made it to our room. They asked me if I can transfer to the bed on my own.  I told them they can just hold me just in case.  The oxygen Is connected through the wall.  It will be my companion for the rest of my stay.  Within the hour, they injected 2 Remdesiver vial (anti-viral medication) through my IV.  It felt surreal.  It happened so fast that in a matter of hours I was there in a hospital room being treated with severe Covid infection.  How can this happen? 

But I focus on some more medicines they are injecting through my IV.  I asked one time and the nurse said it’s a steroid.  My mind is so clear that time.  I take notice of my room.  I changed my clothes and wear the hospital gown instead, it will be easier for everyone since I’m expecting a lot of poking, blood works and checking of stats. They also gave me some basic toiletries, my own digital body temperature and oximeter unit. 

After giving some updates to my family, colleagues and my husband being at home and wishing me well, I lie down thinking am I too sick to be here?  Or am I being strong just like always.  My cough still bothers me and suddenly my fever is back to normal.  My day 1 happens with a series of medicine being administered to me as scheduled. The anti-coagulant injection (underside of my right arm) hurts the most. The nurse knows, he reminds me that it will hurt. I should take Vitamin C with Zinc 2x a day, cough powder solution and others, orally.  I am now fully dependent on the oxygen. 

I prayed to God to help me made through this.  I suddenly feel alone… and sick.

March 31, 2021 

I got a message from our company nurse that I need to do the RT-PCR swab right away.  I have the symptoms and the irony is, there are 2 people in our office area that is confirmed positive. I started to freak out, I kept saying to myself that if I’m thinking I can get over this, the news squashed all my hopes away.  This must be COVID.

But even before the message, I silently packed my bag because we are now looking for a hospital to check on me.  At least to evaluate on my symptoms and do the swab.  My niece sent me an oximeter thru Grab rider and it though at my first test, my oxygen saturation is 93, it didn’t take much time before it becomes 87.  I asked for my boss help if she knows someone who can help me. We called at least 10 hospitals nearby and they all said they are fully occupied from all the onslaught of COVID positive patients.

Our company nurse called me If I wanted to go to the hospital near our office site in the south and she will talk to the representative since we have a tie up contract on this hospital. I even ask for an ambulance since the car is not yet available that time but one, hospital ambulance is not available, two, the lifeline ambulance service I called is charging me Php20,000 ($400) if I am a member and Php30,000 ($600) for non-members (of course, I’m not a member!) and with the conditions -  if the hospital knew I was going there, they need the name of the doctor so they would call ahead if they knew me and will accept me.  Tsk, my oxygen level may have drop to 50 from that process alone.

My eldest sister come and rescue me from my dilemma.  She gave the car keys to my husband and we drove to the hospital with the windows open, and me at the back silently dry coughing and wishing this is not COVID.

We reached the hospital at 1:00PM. I was interviewed outside of the emergency room,  two nurses, they asked questions while checking my vitals - who’s my contact in that hospital, If I’m there for the swabbing only, etc.  They got my BP - normal but I saw in their eyes something like a knowing look when they got to see my oxygen saturation, I saw 84.  But you know, I’m quite a tough person.  You wouldn’t see me feeling helpless and out of breath or looking sick.  So maybe they think, I wouldn’t need to be admitted.  But I told them I got to be admitted, that’s why I’m there.

I was whisk to an isolation room to further check my stats.  But they already placed an oxygen mask around my face.  They told me the schedule of RT PCR swabbing is 4:00PM.  They would not let me admit because I look good, I can still talk and just sitting there in the room instead of helplessly lying down.  Or maybe, If I'm positive, it's only mild or moderate,  I can stay and wait at home.  I fill up some hospital forms.  Our company nurse is having arguments from the hospital representative because I’m number 38 from the waiting list of those COVID patients waiting to be admitted.  Our nurse said how can they be sure that I will be admitted on the next hospital that they want me to go? They will provide the recommendations they said.  Our nurse said, NO, you should check the patient first. I even confirm to the nurse I will pay for any room available in ER; nurse said the isolation room without the bathroom cost Php6,000 per day.  I said, okay, just to let them check me.  I know they are exhausted, but this female nurse is somewhat annoying, as if it is my fault that I am there.  That I wanted to be there.  She even told me I shouldn’t wait on the symptoms to get worse before getting a swab test.  I told her, you don’t know that (the feeling) and just ignored her.

Then, they wheeled down a portable x-ray machine. After a while, an ER doctor came, we already talked a while ago about giving me recommendation to go to another hospital.  She told me the x-ray result is out, I had pneumonia.  I asked her how was it? She answered, it’s severe.

March 30, 2021

I know there’s something wrong with me the moment I felt it.  I had to isolate myself in our main room with a separate restroom. It’s the proper way when you have 1 or more symptoms to protect your love ones.  I have 2 kids with a husband and mother in-law both with comorbidities.  My youngest daughter sleep with us (husband).  But the moment I felt there’s something brewing up to my body I told my husband to sleep in the other room.

And that saves them from having the virus.

I had a teleconsultation with a doctor thru our MHO card stating all my symptoms.  She doesn’t advise to have a swab test right away because just 2 days that I have symptoms.  And honestly, if she did advice, I don’t know how to do it without cashing out my own money through home service (quite expensive) or how can I go out and request for a swab test while inhibiting symptoms.  She gave me tons of medicines, antibiotics as well so as the stop or prevent my “fever and cough” to progress. 

With the news of Metro Manila hospitals (private and public) being overwhelmed because of the new surge in COVID infections, for the first time in my life, I felt scared.  Deep down inside I pray that I, oh God, this is not COVID.  Please make this just an ordinary flu, I will get better.

But I did not. My cough worsens. My fever spiked up to 39°C, then goes down because I take a paracetamol and then back to 38°C above after few hours. I am hoping the antibiotics will help.  But when you know your body well, you will know that none of it helps you get better.  I inform our HR that I have a fever and cough and though they wish too that it’s just a common flu, they advised me to have the RT-PCR.  I informed my immediate boss on my situation and they too were sympathetic and wish me well.

And then I started to have a diarrhea. And noting all the possible symptoms of Covid infections.  I had to tick having LBM on the lists of symptoms.  I take an anti-diarrhea tablets because my body can’t take another trip to the CR when I barely eat. I started to lose my sense of taste and all foods given to me started to taste like it was horribly cooked. But my sense of smell is still good. So, I had to hang on to any hopes that it’s just a flu and I can make it. I noticed that my fever was consistently high and even the paracetamol can’t handle it anymore.

And boy, how I was wrong. That night, I barely sleep to no sleep at all.  I cough that hard like there’s no tomorrow and I feel there’s this bitter liquid coming out from my mouth when I cough and I thought that is from my gut or from my lungs because that’s how hard I cough, a dry and long cough that tears are forming from my eyes and when I close my eyes, different kind of dreams filled my brains that instantly, so I spent my time sitting on a chair and let the night passes while wide awake.

I had a COVID 19 infection last March 31, 2021.  At first, I had a slight fever merely days before and I thought, it can’t be COVID.  I take necessary precautions while at work or going out for a grocery shopping, I almost stay at home because that our company mandated for the support group.  I only went to work once or twice weekly and when its necessary.  I wear mask, face shield, carry tons of alcohol with me and practiced social distancing.  And most of all, I have no comorbidities, but I still get it.  So, can you blame me if I had to deny at first that it was COVID 19?  Nah, most of us would think that it’s just a common flu.

I want to share the experience so we can be all aware how dangerous this virus is.  I survived not being infected last year when its new and we also must transfer items to an external warehouse near my place as not to disrupt our business.  I must face new sets of people, settle to a shuttle services, as public transportation was not allowed, and I didn’t catch the virus.

Why now? Why me?

My next blogs would be my trip to memory lane when I am battling this deadly virus out of my system and while I’m still in the hospital.  Yes, I was admitted in a hospital for 15 days.  And will tell you some stories of courage, faith, beliefs, will, prayers, support and love.